Haunted

He handed me drinks

until I could no longer think

the whole time planning to extricate

what he could from me

What was it that made him think

my body belonged to his

(as long as he could get me deeply enough under the influence)

He pretends that’s consent

He pretends he’s not a rapist

I said no so many times

explained quite clearly

that I wasn’t down for this

He was my friend

I trusted him

Years later I’m still dying inside.

He got what he wanted,

seemed surprised I was no longer romantically inclined

and then he got to move on with his life

and I’m still stuck back in time

full of rage, full of shame, full of hate

and desperately wanting back what was mine